Once more, with feeling

Yesterday was an interesting one. I just could not feel my hunger sensations–well, not until it was too late. I tend to not get hungry well into the afternoon. This wouldn’t be a problem except that I go from zero to feed me now in a eleventy seconds flat, which then leads to some poor eating choices if I don’t have anything planned. As I am not currently in my own abode, this totally led to some weird eating, and mostly snacking–trying to stave off the full hunger pangs until I could figure out what the heck I wanted. As I’m also in a small town right now with my eatery choices ranging between a sole Chinese restaurant, Whataburger, and Walmart, color me Sam Unwise on the eating spectrum. I’ll be back in Houston tonight, which will help choices a bit. 

The real annoyance yesterday was not feeling ANY hunger sensations. I know that part of this is due to my ghrelin and leptin levels being way out of whack thanks to my binge eating habit. It’s the eating disorder that keeps on giving! If I’m going to eat that much in one sitting, it makes sense that the body turned off my saiety signals so I could psychologically continue, but it sucks balls now that I’m trying to course correct! There’s also the chance that I’m not hungry because I’m still working on some previous calories. I wish I understood metabolism better. I mean, I’ve read 15 books on it, but the information has differed so vastly over the past 15 years that I have no clue. Eat every 3 hours. No. Fast 14. No. Three meals are fine. Eat when you’re hungry. Geaharrr. I’m trying to ignore all of this and listen to my body, but my body is ignoring me. It’s like I totally forgot its birthday or something and it’s freezing me out till I treat her better. I get it lady! I’m trying!

So…I started meditating again. My goal is to be more consistent with it. I did it this morning, and I can at least feel that I’m hungry. I’m guessing that’s step one in the hunger pang express: letting my thoughts quiet down enough so I can hear all of the important traffic signals that my body is sending me. Oh, and I went on a [brief] walk yesterday. Kudos to me. Man, do they still make kudos?

12/21
11:45

Coffee with half and half
12:40

3 starbursts
2:00

Ginger Ale

Really need to eat something, but can’t decide what
2:30

4 club crackers
3:00

Handful of peanut butter m&ms
3:30

-4/3

2/3 of a Patty melt

2/3 Dr Pepper

Onion Rings

Want something to eat but nothing sounds appealing. Didn’t eat all of the patty melt, but def ate all of the onion rings
7:30

0?/4

I have had no idea how hungry I am all day long

Some orange chicken

Rice

Bite of lo mein

8 pieces Broccoli

 1 ozBeef

1 small egg roll

Fortune cookie

Some wonton soup. Mostly just ate the wonton and had a few sips of the soup

This was such a mish mash. My sister brought it home for dinner. Written out, it sounds like a shit ton of food, but it filled probably about 3/4 of my standard dinner plate. It’s still a lot of food, just looks like more because of variety.

10:30

2/5

2.5 sugar cookies

You know when you’re really just wanting a bite of something sweet and then you’re around a couple of people who are grazing and you eat more because you’re getting subconscious eating queues and oooh that looks good and then you eat WAYYYY more than a bite? That was this.

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