Today is a celebration

I love looking at some of my before and after pictures for many reasons. Sometimes, I do it to feel bad about myself currently. Sometimes, I do it to give me hope that since I’ve done it before, I can do it again. And even more times, I look at them to laugh at the miserable before pictures. I always cut the photos off underneath the eyes, yet there is this “look” on my lips that conveys the utter embarrassment, utter disappointment that I feel taking those pictures that day. I mean, let’s face it. Being overweight sucks. It’s a lot of extra pressure on your body and your joints. The good news for me is that I can feel it this time around. The last time I was this big, I couldn’t–I could see it in pictures, but my body felt just the same as when I was 50 pounds lighter. Not so this time. Which, considering my battle is with presence and awareness, whether in my physical life of with what I eat, is a sign of huge progress.

I do love the before picture as a tracking mechanism, but not the dreading joy suck that results. As I’ve now decided that this go around is more about life choices and overhauling my lifestyle instead of a series of quick fixes and burnout regimens, I took a different approach with the before photos as well. Today is a celebration. This is not a day of shame where it finally became “too much”. This is a day of joy when I decided to listen to my body and treat it with respect. Therefore, I did my hair and makeup and tried to look as cute as possible for the pics. I originally had a cute shirt planned out for it, as I hate on weight loss shows that they make the contestants take off their shirts when they’re larger in some effort of shame porn. [Side note–all of them do it and the moment that enough weight is loss, the shirts are back on. They are allowed dignity when they are smaller but want to show us every fold when they are larger. At first, I thought it had something to do with excess skin, but I think it’s mostly in the same vein as a sorority girl with pledges and a permanent marker, which bothers me. End tangent.] Any way, I was doing chores right before the pictures and accidentally got water on the front of my shirt, which just made me look messy. I decided to just take the photos in a bra and pants to be easy.  

Now, I am tempted to look at these photos and be highly critical of them. However, I am choosing a more loving path and will instead say 5 nice things about me. I have made a pact with myself that I will do this whenever I see a photo of myself, as I am wont to focus on every negative flaw instead of acknowledging my attributes.

Here we go:

  1. Those are some kick ass shoes–I have great nerdy taste!
  2. My butt is quite shapely and looks pretty banging. Note to self: focus on squats to accentuate this bad boy.
  3. My smile does look genuine.
  4. I still manage to have a quasi-hourglass figure. Yahoo.
  5. My hair looks really cool from the back.

Huzzah!!! I did it! It was a little touch and go there towards the end, but I managed to eke out some compliments. Go me!

Now, drumroll please, I took measurements just to have loads of things to compare to. I occasionally get a little body dysmorphic and I know I may not be able to see the differences in the frozen image, but having weight and size measurements will really help. They are as follows:

  • Weight:239.4 lbs
  • 45.9% body fat
  • 29.9% water
  • 33.1% muscle
  • 4.2 lb bone
  • Neck: 14.75 in.
  • Chest (over boobs): 45 in.
  • Waist (at belly button): 47 in.
  • Hips (over hip bone): 56 in.
  • Left thigh (halfway between knee and hip) 28 in.

Alright! I am thankful for this body and this journey! I’m thankful for the accountability of this site and for the incredible amount of support and love from my friends, families, and loved ones. Merry Christmas everyone and I look forward to another day!

AOK

P.S. I got a little side-tracked, and due to some technology issues, was unable to track my meals on my phone like I normally do. Here is the last date that I fully tracked. Normal tracking will resume 12/26.

12/22

3:45

-6/3

McDonald’s southern style chicken sandwich

Half large fry

Large Dr Pepper 
6:05

0/2

Slice of gingerbread
8:30

-4

10 Tortilla chips with salsa

1.5 Chicken, spinach, and corn enchiladas

Refried beans 

Rice
12:25

1/2

Slice of gingerbread

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