Home Again, Home Again

I am FINALLY back in Los Angeles. It was a trek getting back here, thanks to delays and no Uber drivers and then my Lyft driver getting into an accident. Now, I’m sitting in bed recovering, thinking of all of the things that I need to do, and really just wanting to indulge one last time in my favorite breakfast place within walking distance. Their breakfast burritos are massive and delightful, but an entire day’s worth of sustenance thanks to their massiveness. There would be no hunger scale with this, just devouring. I am soooooooo tempted. I don’t have anything in the house, so I’d have to eat out for lunch anyway. I need to do all of my shopping today, so it can be a last hurrah before going full beast mode. But, I also know that it is completely out of alignment with what I’m trying to do. I no longer have the excuse of being on vacation and subject to the whims of my family. It’s one day, but this one day is also indicative on how I plan to live the rest of my life. Even righting this post has me groan a bit because I know that I shouldn’t get it, even though I probably will, but knowing takes a little of the pleasure out of getting it. It’s a lot more pleasurable to fool yourself into thinking that this really is the last time you’ll binge or eat crap before you change your life. Except, I’m already in the midst of making the change. It’s rocky, I’m not perfect–but there has been effort. Getting the burrito or chilequiles or indulging in that itch would be a step back into the quicksand of habit. Ugh. If I get the burrito, it’s an excuse for a delay. If I don’t, it’ll probably be something else just as bad that I get at the store. Hooray for mind games!

I could bargain with myself. I can get the burrito only if I meal plan for the week and make my grocery list. That way, I won’t be in this same place tomorrow since I need to go to the grocery store tonight. Plus, I can eat it on the hunger scale–having leftovers as snacks instead of consuming it all in one big sitting. Which would probably be the healthier way to go? I wouldn’t be denying myself of anything, but I also wouldn’t be overindulging. I’d be reducing the value of the temptation because it is no longer forbidden, I’m no longer being “bad” for eating it, and I’d still be taking the steering wheel from my lizard brain. 

So, I guess that’s what I’ll try. Grocery shopping tonight to remove the temptation for tomorrow. I’ll let you know how that goes.

Also, as I’ve been away from internet for a few days, I’ve been derelict posting what I’ve been eating. I have been recording it everyday, but on my notepad on my phone which my computer doesn’t have access to sans wifi. I could post everything, but have decided that would be a hassle. Here’s yesterday’s, to renew the habit of transparency.

1/2
12:00

-4/2

Cinnamon roll

2 coffees with 2% milk

Did not mean to eat this! Totally meant to do jambalaya instead, but they were sitting there and I relented. It wasn’t even as good or filling as I wanted. Whoops! Feeling sinusy and just want comfort. A little stressed over finances and starting this whole thing. 
3 pm

-3/3

Jambalaya
5:00

Mexican coke
6:15

-1/4.5

Cheese coney

Cheese fry

Not really hungry yet, but need to eat before my flight. Also a family thing. Probably could have done something healthier, but it’s a LOT less than I would normally get. 
7:30

1/3

2 Slices of gingerbread 
12:05

-4/1

can of sprite

90 calorie bag of veggie wheat thins 

Airplane peanuts